Growing Up Human

My (very simplified) view of growing up human is that people are basically good, and are generally born equipped with what is needed to live a good life. After we are born, we are impacted by the world we live in and its response to us. This journey can leave us with useful skills, unique perspectives, many strengths, and often more than a few confusions, challenges, and painful feelings.

When our basic emotional needs and expressions are not met or understood during our childhood, it can leave us feeling like there is something fundamentally wrong with us and/or there is something wrong with the world and the other people in it. And, because all of us were raised by imperfect humans living in imperfect (and perhaps downright oppressive) societies, most of us question what is ‘wrong’ with us (or everyone else) at some points in our lives.

As a child, you may have been told (directly or indirectly) that your tears were not welcome, your laughter was too loud, your tantrums were bratty, or your needs were too much. You were not too much. There simply may not have been enough emotional space for you, or perhaps not enough support for the adults who were raising you. There may have been a lack of understanding of the unique needs of the developing human that you were. The adults around you may have been reactive, frightening, neglectful, or abusive. You or your family may have lived through war, migration, oppression, and other events completely out of your family’s control. Any of the above can take a physical and emotional toll on any person. Or, you may have simply grown up as a human surrounded by other humans - every human life includes some struggle as we grow.

People are generally born with an instinct to show others when they are distressed. This instinct comes with an expectation that others can understand and support them to recover - babies cry, toddlers reach to be picked up, little ones tantrum (the most misunderstood emotional process), children ask for hugs and cuddles, teens and adults tell their stories, friends laugh together about embarrassing moments, we tremble when frightened..…people make and share art and sing and dance.

Human beings have no shortage of ways to express or process their experiences and emotions. However, due to myriad global, societal, cultural, familial and personal circumstances….we often have a shortage of safe places and people to process those emotions with.

It’s hard to develop wisdom and know our strength when we don’t have space to feel and reflect.

When we consistently have to be on guard against harsh judgement, punishment, abuse, exclusion etc….it can get in the way of knowing ourselves or being close with others.

As we become adults, there is hopefully more opportunity to find safe places to be ourselves and connect with others in genuine ways. Every person, including you, deserves the safety they need to express themselves, feel heard and seen, heal, and thrive.